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Dr. Romance on How to Stretch Time
Dr Romance wrote:
Are you willing to extend your time—to make the time you have go further and spend more on the things you really want to do? Extending time is not difficult if the following prerequisites are in place: self-awareness, sense of purpose, thoughtful actions, and a playful approach.
As with all successful life skills, extended time is better if you know yourself. When you become aware of your priorities—for example, where do work, relationships, family, and fun fit on the “most important” list? Do you spend the most time on the things that matter most?
You will be more productive and less stressed if you learn to take control of your personal and family time. Families need to sit down together and decide which activities are really worth doing and which ones are just a “high competition.” Learning to avoid “time wasters” (such as unnecessary emails, too many people on the TV or on the phone) is crucial, as certain people and activities take up a lot of time and aren’t worth it. Becoming “time aware” is the best way to achieve balance.
If you’re a parent, you need a break too. This can be done by allowing children over the age of seven to occasionally spend the night at a friend’s house, and then back and forth. This gives both parents the opportunity to be alone, to go out, and to rest. A “family network,” where multiple families (related or not) share time, driving, babysitting deals, etc., can really expand the amount of time off each family enjoys.
The key is to strike a balance between work/play, self/others, give/receive and time off/financial security. Striking a work-life balance is key to avoiding burnout. You will do better if you are self-aware, consider your options carefully, organize your personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sense of purpose:
As you become more aware of your priorities, you may also discover a sense of purpose. Or maybe you already know what your calling is. No matter how you get to it (if you need more info, I’ve given instructions at the real step 13 and when it ends with you) knowing what you want to do can save a lot of time. Once you know your goal, many decisions are made ahead of time – it becomes a matter of deciding which actions will get you closer to your goal and which won’t, saving wasted experimentation, bullshit and indecision on time.
Learning to be patient and calm can also prolong the time and relieve stress. Cultivating patience is actually learning to control impulse: learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and get rid of stress; how to quit when something happens. It’s a matter of self-control. To gain patience, you have to stop the urge to quit, change your thinking/attitude, call a friend for encouragement. People who really need to learn patience don’t know how to tell if they’re impulsive, or how to stop. They usually have a sense of entitlement (“I just don’t want to wait” – said with some pride) and lack emotional maturity. They’re literally like emotional three-year-olds in adult bodies. To learn the patience and determination necessary to achieve long-term goals, practice the little things first, and learn how to tell what is worth patience and what is not.
For example, there are situations and people where you have to do a little more work to understand what they mean, not to misinterpret their words, or be a little more patient with them because their personality or style is very different from yours.
Perhaps you have encountered someone at work, among friends, or in extended family who tested your patience. Sometimes people are difficult because they remind us of other people who have had problems in the past, so we are attracted and frustrated at the same time. Others can be difficult for many around you. Problems with familiar types of people may not arise until you have already bonded and become involved as friends or partners.
The following exercises will help you step back and see others as sources of information about yourself, see others from a different perspective, and see the person who upset you as a reflection of the inner dynamics behind your struggles.
Let go of the little things:
1: Perspective – put them in perspective – an hour from now – will it matter fifteen minutes from now? Most of them won’t.
2. Self-understanding: If someone or something upsets you, don’t exacerbate the problem by your own reaction. Reactions are normal – what matters is what we do with them.
3: Beyond: If someone freaks you out (a driver who stopped you), then pray that you survived, bless the other driver (who might need it), and you’ll feel better.
4. The benefit of the doubt: If someone hurts your feelings, admit that your feelings were hurt, and then consider that the other person may be more clumsy than intentionally hurting. The world is full of emotional jerks who don’t realize the impact of their words and actions, and who create more problems for themselves than you.
5. Consider the source: A truly obnoxious neighbor or co-worker may repeatedly hurt your feelings. Consider what must have been going through that person’s head, and be thankful you didn’t hear it. Even the meanest people treat themselves far worse than they treat others. That person is trying to alleviate his or her pain by causing you some pain.
Being deliberate rather than impulsive means your actions are effective and therefore save more time.
Because time is precious, learn to budget it like you budget money. In counseling my clients, I’ve found that putting myself on a “timed diet” works wonders. Be wary of “time sinks” – TV, computer, email, etc., and phone conversations with people who blare meaninglessly. Learn to say “no” to unnecessary time wasting so you can spend more time doing the things that are important to you. The key is knowing how to balance and prioritize, collaborate and organize your time so everything has a place. Individuals and couples need to prioritize, collaborate, and organize their time so everything has a place. Becoming “time aware” is the best way to achieve balance. Striking a work-life balance is key to avoiding burnout. You will do better if you are self-aware, consider your options carefully, organize your personal and work time, and learn to be flexible.
Sometimes having duplicate tools and supplies saves time – for example, keeping scissors, makeup, nail files, etc. in multiple places in the house, so they’re right where you need them when you need them, or if you travel a lot , like me, keep your travel bag permanently available with the items you need and only use when traveling. I have a separate “kit” for multiple activities: one for the gym, one for the pool, one for my music lessons, and one for the church choir. When I get home from a trip or workout, I refill the kit so I can use it next time. For example, when I get home from the pool, I get out the wet towel and replace it with a dry one – and then I’m ready for the next time I go.
A playful approach might not particularly prolong the time, but it does make the time spent feel worthwhile. One way to enjoy the time you have and feel more content is to remember that life is not supposed to be serious — to truly feel worthwhile, we all need to have some fun. Yes, interesting. You remember fun! Fun, humor, leisure activities, and silliness are how we recharge, renew our energy, restore hope and a positive outlook, and connect with others.
Fun doesn’t depend on spending money or going to extremes. It’s not tied to a specific environment, partner, or activity, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. Having fun is an internal process. You can sit quietly and think about something fun or pleasurable, or work in your garden, pet the cat, have a quiet conversation with a friend, or play cards with a couple. Singing, dancing, exercising, and drawing are fun pastimes for some people. If you’re anything like me, it’s fun to play with your brain. Fun also creates deep internal connections. Through play, we reconnect with our hearts, our child-like selves, and the intuitive, spontaneous parts of our psyches.
For many people today (no doubt due in part to the images of joy seen in the media), the definition of fun has been distorted. Some interesting thoughts are associated with excess, such as having a few drinks or engaging in “extreme” sports. Some people think that to have fun, they have to spend a lot of money traveling or eating out. Others believe that in order to have a good time, you have to be with the “right people.” The saddest are those who depend on others to “create” their pleasure.
Most of us think of fun as something we do on special occasions and that requires planning ahead. We have an entire industry dedicated to helping us play There seem to be new theme parks opening every week. But when you look back at your happiest life experiences, they’re more likely to be spontaneous and simple than elaborate and expensive. Play is entertainment – an activity that “recreates” us, making us see life differently and refreshed by change.
You don’t have to separate play and fun from other things you’re doing. Taking a light-hearted approach to serious matters is often the most productive. Try laughing out loud – make yourself a desk calendar with new cartoons every day, share the jokes you get via email, tell co-workers cute things your kid says (or hear his stories) or talk about funny scenes in the latest Hot Movies – will lower your blood pressure, calm your pulse, and generally help you release a lot of stress.
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