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Home Matters – Changing What’s Wrong
Are things not going as well as you would like in your life or at home? It’s a common problem, but where is the answer for how to fix what’s wrong? Almost all of our problems start right in our own heads. Over the years I have found a way to get to the heart of our problems and see ways to work them out. It all starts with you and your thinking. Follow the 6 steps discussed here and start making major changes in your life and family.
1. This is the most difficult. Don’t believe everything you think now because you can change what you think. This is really what separates us from the animals – the ability to think about what we think.
Just because you think something is so doesn’t make it true. If you think the world is flat, that doesn’t change the fact that it is indeed round. If I think someone is angry with me, that’s just a reflection of what I’m thinking and really has nothing to do with what the other person is actually thinking. This recalls a group of teenagers who are tied in who thinks what and who said what to whom. “Sally thinks Jake told Ben he likes you.” All of that speculation in no way reflects Jake’s thoughts (or Sally’s or Ben’s for that matter), but only the thoughts of the person speaking. So, when you talk to yourself, be careful to believe everything you think!
2. Ask yourself this question: “What is my struggle?’ Try to write down exactly what’s bothering you. Write it down in objective, specific terms. “Something’s not right at home” may be a heartfelt feeling, but it doesn’t really define anything and will leave you confused. Make it specific to you — “I’m bored.” I have no money.” “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
3. Now ask yourself, “What brought me here?” Write down everything you can think of that has led you to this point in your life. This is not a blame session, it is an open, honest look at your life, your reactions, your assumptions. Other questions to ask yourself to help in this part of the process are–“What am I hearing?” “What do I see?” and most importantly, “What am I saying to myself?’
Pay particular attention to that last question and take the time you need to honestly and objectively complete this step.
4. The next part makes you look for evidences, or fruits, of your thoughts. This is the question–“What are the physical, or tangible results or evidences of my thinking?” How have you seen your mindset manifest in the real world. Be specific.
5. Now is the time to start looking for what you would like to see happen in your world. Be sure to write the answer to this question as well. “How do I want to be?” Or “What do I want that is different?” In this step describe what you want in the most vivid detail. Use all your senses when describing your desire. It is very important that you see this clearly.
If you continue this step and something in your head says things like, “That will never happen.” “Don’t be a dreamer.” “This is useless.” Go back to step number one. Your life absolutely CAN change, and it starts in your thoughts. Countless people have proven this over thousands of years, and just because you think it’s stupid doesn’t make it so! Carry on! Fight the thought and start changing everything!
6. After all the work you’ve done in steps 1-5, it’s now time to look for a change. Here is the next essential question you must ask yourself and write down the answers — “What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision?” What are you willing to do to bring about change for yourself? These answers may take time and soul searching, but they are worth the effort.
Decide on 3 to 5 things you wrote down that you can start working on right away. Write them down and get started! You won’t be perfect at first, that’s okay, it may take long months for real change to bear fruit, but change will come if you persevere.
I would like to tell you about my own experience with these steps and some life changes that happened because I did exactly what I am telling you.
Three and a half years ago I was flat on my back with a back injury that happened because I was too heavy, overworked and too stressed. My husband and three kids set up a bed for me in the living room so I could be in the middle of things (and because I couldn’t go up the stairs because my back was so bad). I could barely even walk. I neglected my health to the point that I was 5’3″ 178 pounds weak. I wasn’t used to sitting around and the fact that I had to stay in bed almost drove me crazy. My dear little four year old daughter. had to go to a friend’s for day care for a week, because I couldn’t take care of her. After four days of that misery, lying there, in pain, lonely for my children, frustrated about something that wasn’t done, I started to look at myself. I still haven’t defined all these those steps, but when I look back, I see that I did exactly what I command you to do.
1. Don’t believe everything you think — I have to take care of everyone and I don’t have time to take care of myself. Others deserve the concern, not me. I don’t need help.
2. What is my struggle? I’m in pain, I’m fat, I’m sick, I can’t take care of my family.
3. How did I get here? I always take time to care for everyone else, but never myself. I don’t think I have time to worry about myself, and that I can just go on like this. I eat junk food. I don’t exercise. I go to bed late and then, I don’t sleep well.
4. What are the physical/tangible results? Here I am, unable to do anything. I can barely take care of myself, let alone anyone else.
I felt sick inside seeing myself in this situation. Something happened inside of me and I said out loud, “I DON’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!” I think I shocked myself a little when I heard it out loud. And I said it again, louder.
5. How do I want to be? I closed my eyes and began to imagine running in the yard, playing with my children, without pain. I pictured myself, thin, fit, running. I saw hiking, swimming–actively. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I began to feel hope again. I became absorbed in the vision of what I wanted — the smell of the outdoors, the warmth of the sunshine, the fresh air.
6. What thoughts and actions coincide with my new vision? I new I would need physical therapy. I had to eat healthy foods and smaller portions. When I could, I had to exercise. I had to develop ways to gain willpower. I needed to rest more. I had to ask for help more often. I had to set aside specific time for me to take care of myself.
I wrote everything. I still couldn’t really get out of bed, but I started telling myself, “I’m thin, healthy, and beautiful. I take care of myself, and I’m worth it.” (I still tell myself that 3 ½ years later.)
By the next week I was able to start physical therapy. It was a long process, but after a few months I was able to go to the pool. I became more active. I started tracking everything I ate and developed my own system to count my food. I tried new foods. My whole family wanted to help. They helped me have the time to exercise every day. I lost 25 pounds and felt better than I had in years.
Then a year and a half into my efforts I met with failure. I was tired of eating properly. I was bored with my meal count. I lost motivation to continue it. I gained 15 pounds back and could see the scale headed right back to where it was. I was in the dumps and thought, “What’s the point?” Guess what I did? Likewise – I defined the problem, looked at how I got to this place, looked at the results, renewed my vision and set new goals. I mixed things up a bit. I started a step aerobics class. I started running a little. I bought a step (my secret weapon). I started using a different feeding system to give myself a break from my old one. Basically, I did everything I had done before, but looked at it again in light of my new circumstances. I lost the 15 lbs. I gained back, plus 10 more, for a total of 35 pounds (with the previous loss). I have 16 pounds to go to get where I want to be. My back barely hurts anymore and last Saturday I spent the day diving with my daughter–something I never would have been able to do 3 years ago.
The steps work! Change your thinking and your vision and change your life!
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