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30 Truths About Motherhood

We spoke to 30 moms who have been there, done that, and laughed about it!

about pregnancy

1) You can never have enough pictures of yourself and your growing belly.

2) Doctors are not gods and what they say is not set in stone. Trust your instincts and follow what you think is the right path for you and your baby.

3) Your hormones can take you from a sweetheart to a raging lunatic to a crying lunatic in ten seconds or less.

4) Your libido takes an extended vacation.

5) Bed rest can really happen to you! So, start getting nursery ready as soon as you find out you’re pregnant.

6) See a chiropractor for back pain.

7) Take a professional belly photo. You actually end up watching them.

8) Measure the circumference of the abdomen before delivery

9) Take a few photos of looking down at your belly, and record your daily scenery!

10) Learn to sleep on your side from now on. It pays off later on as you get bigger. Sometimes a few extra pillows can help.

about labor

1) Labor doesn’t feel like cramping, like pooping, or having sex without lube. It’s more like a watermelon trying to force it out of your body!

2) You will fart after the epidural. a lot of!

3) Bring your own toilet paper to the hospital. Our taxes don’t pay for soft toilet paper, and you don’t want to sand yourself after you just had your baby. Packaged in two rolls, one for pre-delivery (after water breaks) and one for post-delivery.

4) Bring extra batteries for the camera (just in case).

5) Find a doula. The only thing she cares about is you and the baby. She has seen a hundred different births, helped a hundred different women, and endured a hundred different pains.

6) You have to give birth like another baby!

7) You may poop during labor.

8) When your water breaks, it’s not just a flood…it’s several.

9) Not only will your hoo-ha hurt after delivery…everything hurts!

10) How painful it is to go to the toilet after giving birth! If you can’t stand it, you should sit upside down on the toilet, facing the wall while urinating (there’s less pressure down there, and you can hold the toilet and cry if you need to!)

About postpartum life

1) Learn nursing positions – some positions are better for some people. The football hold is not a good position for women with small breasts.

2) You don’t need to dress your newborn so much…you have to stockpile your purchases!

3) Your first birth does not predict your second. If your first labor was difficult, your second may be much easier.

4) There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and you will find out exactly why.

5) Not every restroom has a baby changing station. Be sure to check which malls have nursing rooms before heading out!

6) Men can literally fall asleep with babies crying.

7) If you think you have enough pads for your postpartum experience, you are wrong. Buy another pack. one left. Better to have too many than to bet your husband brings home the right one.

8) I wish someone would tell me that men are slower to “understand” what babies want and need.

9) Little boys need the men’s hood down in the diaper, otherwise they can easily pee from the top of the diaper.

10) Don’t warm the bottle too much as your baby will get used to it and then you will have to lug the bottle around or find a bottle warmer that takes a long time! So is the food!

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