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The Winning Isn’t Everything, It’s the Only Thing, Myth!
That familiar phrase has stuck with me throughout my years of coaching, and I guess I’m not alone. If you’re reading this and don’t know where this quote came from, let me give you some background. “Winning isn’t everything…it’s the only thing” has been ascribed to the legendary Green Bay Packers coach for more than 45 years and the Super Bowl trophy is named after him; the great Vince Lombardi. FLASH: He never said it; what he said was “Winning isn’t everything—but wanting to win is.” The misquote is from a movie starring John Wayne and Donna Reed called “Trouble Along the Way.” ” (Warner Bros. 1953), a Hollywood production in black and white in which Wayne plays a coach and a single parent with a daughter at a private Catholic university and Donna Reed is a Social workers who care about children. In the film, Donna Reed and the little girl are watching a game from the stands. The scene cuts between shots of Duke walking up and down the sideline yelling and telling his team to fire, then a couple of priests waving school colors, and finally Donna Reed and what looks to be about 10-12 year old girl old. Donna Reed was commenting to the girl about how she wanted the boys to enjoy the game and give it their all, when the little girl responded with the line… “Well, you know father (so and so) always Say…”Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing. ” This line comes from a fictional 10-year-old Hollywood production. Some believe it came from Vince Lombardi (some say due to his religious affiliations with the Catholic Church), and until the last days of his life, he Both are working hard with sports commentators and writers to right that wrong.
I suspect like many others that this idea of winning is the only thing that has dominated the way many coaches and parents look at sports when our kids, our school teams or us don’t win every game There must be something wrong. Is it possible that in the moment of my temporary setback, something else that neither I, as a parent nor a coach, is gaining? The idea of always winning is so ingrained in our society that we do all sorts of things, including ignoring our higher sense of self to achieve it. Sometimes, we are willing to “do whatever it takes,” even if it means not doing the right thing. Confused? Of course you do because, unfortunately, once we get rid of the “winning is everything” mindset, we’re forced to look elsewhere for what these games are really about. In searching, I found answers that were not in my head. It’s really in the center of the capital H, which I’ll come back to later.
If you look at winning and losing as a whole, the truth is that every time you step on the field, your chances are 50/50. It’s a simple truth that the world we perceive is made up of a set of opposites, hot and cold, up and down, winning and losing, and so on. Everything is a dual world. In fact, you can’t experience either of them. Imagine living with only daylight? only darkness? One compliments the other. Without sadness, this is not happiness. We cannot play the game without an opponent. So how do we function in this world of duality? Also, where do we focus to succeed rather than fail? Also, and more importantly, how do we get involved in competitive sports? The answer lies in our higher sense of self. A good portion of us know how to look at all this duality and see what it is and what it isn’t. We are not just winners or losers in this game! In fact, we are the creators of our own destiny. Based on how we notice and observe the workings of our own thoughts and the feelings they generate, we can see the upside of winning and losing. We can experience the good and the bad of winning and losing without losing sight of who we really are. This is not a new concept, Eastern forms of competition have been teaching this for thousands of years; they even refer to their movement as an “art” in martial arts. The goal is not to eliminate or destroy the opponent, but to respect, respect and love them. Realizing that without an opponent, the artist cannot in any way demonstrate the skills he has mastered. The basis of the game is that both sides bring out their best, give 100% and enjoy the opportunity to play. It is not winning or losing that the athlete/artist can demonstrate their level of mastery, but the game. Vince Lombardi’s correction to a famous misquote: “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.” A very subtle but powerful difference from only winning. The difference lies in the power of our attention and intentions. Why take part in an activity unless you’ve done your best? Our intent should always be to do our best to win or succeed, however, if on any given day we don’t get results, we hope we don’t take it personally. We do our best, learn from our mistakes, and get better as we grow. My personal motto is this: “Make it personal; don’t take it personal.” I mean I want to do things to the best of my ability, and I want to do my best to do what I do, while at the same time Remember, whether I succeed or fail, nothing about me is a true reflection of who I really am, it’s just the best I can do at the time.
I remember many times in my coaching career and parenting career, my son and I both learned lessons from his days as a peewee flag football player. One season, he was drafted to a team that couldn’t win. He would complain on our way home and once told me he didn’t want to play anymore. I understand his pain because I’ve been there myself as a coach and as a player, but also know there’s some value in continuing and sticking to what he’s promised to do. After much discussion and persuasion by me, he agreed to end the season and give his best regardless of the score in any game. His teams never won a game in the regular season, but lo and behold, a small miracle did occur. When it came time for the playoffs, his team was successful in two of the most important games of the year. That’s right; they won the semifinals and the championship game. I take this opportunity to point out to my son that if he quits, he won’t be able to win the championship. We also discussed that if you keep your word and do your best, you never really know how things are going to turn out.
Earlier I mentioned a Hollywood movie that produced a very dangerous and unrealistic concept. Hollywood also makes some really amazing and wonderful stories to inspire us. I recently saw another movie about football, Friday Night Lights. It’s all about the fierce competition in the Texas high school football game. The best part is the scene in the locker room at halftime of the “big game,” when coach Gary Gaines starts talking about “perfection,” the backdrop for the team’s season. He started by telling the players to forget what was on the scoreboard, forget about winning, get back on the field, give it your all, give everything for each other, and do it with love in your heart. , and the pleasure of playing the game. He tells them how much he loves each of them, and demonstrates for them what he wants them to learn…if they play the game to the best of their abilities, and for all the right reasons, the final score is not their reward; The feeling they leave will be. We’re all looking for answers we find with a capital H in our hearts. This is the real answer. In football or the game of life, if we give our all, give our best and love what we do, there will only be winners and champions no matter what the scoreboard looks like. Playing the game for all the right reasons is key.
Whatever the task, finding and understanding the right reasons to compete was, and still is, the biggest challenge I face every day. I live in this dual world and in nature; I only like half of what makes up my perception of reality. I just want to win, I just want to be happy and so on. The problem is that the more I cling to the things I want, the more I cling to their opposites. Reality is a double-edged sword. The answer to this puzzle is not to cling, but to play the game with your heart, not your head. You see, it is your mind and your ego that sees and experiences duality, and it is your mind that creates preferences based on all the information it has gathered during its lifetime of living in this world of opposites. It’s your mind that takes winning and losing personally; your heart, on the other hand, goes with the flow and feels the joy and love of simply playing the game. It’s love that keeps you coming back to the game again and again – whether you win or lose. In other words, love isn’t everything…it’s the only thing. Winning is a happy by-product.
Years ago, when I was an assistant coach in high school; I was listening to our head coach talking to the players at halftime of a college basketball game. He told them that in order to be winners, they had to work hard, play smart, have fun and do it together. I found this to be very good advice. As I listened to him talk about these ideas, it dawned on me that something else needs to be in place before anyone is willing to do anything to win. The main reason we become true winners and champions in sports and in life is that – in addition to committing to working hard, playing smart, having fun, etc. – we have to truly love what we are doing.
If we love what we’re doing, it’s a lot easier to put in the work, bounce back from failure, and play again and again. It turns out that when you look into the minds and hearts of true champions (whether in sport or in life), what you see and hear from them is how much they love it. Whatever “it” is to them. All great champions use this as a basis for participation in their chosen endeavours. All great people have learned to play the game from their heart and use their mind as a compass – a tool to guide them to success. This is the most valuable lesson that sports and competition have taught me. This is one of the most valuable lessons we can teach our young athletes. “Winning isn’t everything – loving what you do is everything.”
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