A Place Where A Two-Year-Old To Have Fun With Parents Homes and Divorce – Kids and Two Homes

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Homes and Divorce – Kids and Two Homes

Going through a divorce requires a lot of adjustment. One of the biggest adjustments for kids is having two homes. In my 30-year career as a psychologist and my new career as a real estate assistant, I have found the following advice to be very effective.

Location matters when buying a new home, or in some cases two new homes. It is ideal to have both houses close to each other if possible. While this may be difficult for parents, it is really important for children. Even better if they can walk between houses. If that doesn’t work, a short drive between families is the next best option. This works well if families can be in the same neighborhood, especially in the same school-designated area. One thing children may lose in divorce is the ability to share their daily lives with both parents. When kids talk about playgrounds, friends’ houses, convenience stores, they want both parents to know what they mean. This maintains a strong bond with both parents and creates a sense of security.

Deciding what toys, clothes, sports equipment, video game systems, etc. will fit in what house can be tricky. Sometimes the space available or the layout of the house can dictate what goes where. Parents need to be open and honest with each other and know what makes sense for each family. Don’t deny yourself something just because you don’t like the activity. Think about how important the project or activity is to your child. Kids love labels, so one house might be designated as a “hockey net” house and another as a “crafts” house. Kids love structure, especially when it comes to change. It can be helpful to group items into categories, such as “stay in place,” “in both homes,” or “move between homes at any time.” Ask the kids for their opinion and make adjustments where possible. If you can’t accommodate it, try to come up with an alternative solution. When children see their parents feeling stressed and frustrated, they don’t always say so, so it’s important for parents to ask their children what they think.

It is very important to furnish the children’s room as their place of belonging in both families. Even if they have to share a room in a home, make an effort to make the space their own. Likewise, having a part of the child’s daily life in both families is critical. It’s a great idea to hang their art, their favorite posters or keep stuffed animals or other favorite things. Never let a child live in a “spare room”. This can make children feel unwanted and unattached to their parents. The toiletries they use and love need to be in both houses. It does show that they lived there.

Let your kids bring their friends to two homes. Makes visiting fun and great for kids. Good snacks are the best motivators to keep kids coming back. It would be nice to have a family pet and the pet can move with the kids. If that doesn’t work, try having a pet in both households. Even fish! Never argue over what house goes with what within earshot of your kids. The frustration of lugging stuff from one home to another isn’t for kids. If it’s really a big problem, treat it like any other problem: a solvable problem. It’s easy for kids to feel like they’re a burden in the divorce process, so don’t let the location of their belongings add to that pressure.

Most importantly, make your new house your home. Transfer as many positives from your previous home as possible. If there are certain furniture arrangements that kids love, do it in your new home. Keep a routine of family activities and create special new routines that fit the new circumstances. Emphasize the positives of the new place. When the family home is sold and two new homes are purchased, the children need to say “goodbye” to their original home. See my article “Helping Kids Move” for helpful tips. Remember, when you are active, your kids will follow!

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