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How Parents Can Discuss Any Subject Matter With Their Young Children or Teenagers
Dealing with difficult subjects and having sensitive discussions is part of life. However, bringing up such topics can be challenging when kids are involved. However, if you know how to approach and explain these difficult topics so that they can understand them in a thoughtful and age-appropriate way, the discussion will be less stressful and better for all involved.
If you’re a parent, take the time to review this set of general guidelines, as well as more specific advice for tackling certain topics, so you’re prepared for those challenging discussions that are sure to come.
General guidelines for explaining difficult topics
Regardless of the subject matter, certain principles can be applied. Knowing what they are will give you a good basis for talking to your young child or teen.
Don’t overwhelm them with details. Let your child be the guide and follow their lead in deciding how much information to provide.
Remember to be age-appropriate in the amount and type of information you share. Details that a teen might be able to handle won’t be absorbed in the same way by a younger child.
Breaking down the data in some way would benefit or address concerns about children.
Let the children ask their own questions and answer them honestly. Openness is encouraged.
Incorporate your family values into difficult discussions. If you’re not sure how you feel about a topic or conversation your child has, be honest about sharing your ambiguous feelings with your child. It’s okay to let them know that you don’t have all the answers, but that you can and will research the topic and try to find the answers they need.
If you want to discuss it with your kids, plan an activity together and have the necessary discussions while you are both busy at work or at play.
While some topics may pop up, others are predictable. So plan to talk to your child earlier than necessary about the topics that are bound to come up. Then you will beat their peers on this question!
Listen carefully to what your child has to say about any topic discussed. You’ll get clues about how much you should tell them or what they really want and need to hear – what they really care about. Be patient with yourself and your child, and talk as long as your child needs.
talking about divorce
If a child is concerned that his or her parents may be divorcing but their relationship is healthy, then he or she needs to be reassured about that. They also need to know that some arguments between adults are normal. The child just needs assurance that his family unit is stable and complete.
But if divorce is imminent, the conversation will be very different. However, it should always start and end with a guarantee. Tell them they will always be loved and that will never change. Children need to be reminded that no part of the divorce decision is a reflection of them.
Always address the general topic of divorce in a factual manner, explaining that it is a reality for many families.
Talking about the concept of homosexuality
Whether the topic is brought up in general or a child asks about a friend or neighbor’s same-sex parent, the topic of being gay is yet another topic some parents feel uncomfortable with or aren’t ready to discuss. This is an area where your values may come into play, so you may want to approach it from a factual standpoint.
You can explain to your child that some people just happen to fall in love with another person who happens to be the same sex. For younger children, this should be enough. For teens, discussions about sexual orientation can be more complicated and fraught with legal and ethical issues. No matter how you choose to approach the situation, be open and encourage your child to treat everyone the way he would like to be treated. Remind them that whether a person is gay or not makes no difference to their humanity.
talking about the death of a parent or loved one
Death is one of the most difficult topics to raise as a child or teen. Yet face it, there is no avoiding it. Effective communication on the topic can go a long way in helping young people cope with loss.
Discuss the physical aspects of death, such as incurable diseases; irreparable injuries; and how the body stops working at a certain point. With regard to the spiritual realm of death, values and religion predominate. Share your family’s beliefs. Reassure your child with the thought that death does not change love. Allow your child to express their feelings openly, making sure to provide them with a safe and judgment-free environment.
talk about strip clubs
When your child notices a strip club on the freeway on the way to school or church, chances are you’re in for another unpleasant conversation. Fortunately, this discussion is off topic, so it can be dealt with in general terms when you discuss the choices some people have made. Make sure to take it as a life lesson. You could also explain that just like kids have play areas like amusement parks just for them, adults have them too. Simply tell kids that a strip club is where some grown-ups choose to go to have fun.
Talk about sex, pregnancy and where babies come from
Talking to your child about sex, pregnancy, and where the baby came from is one of the inevitable discussions every parent has to have. One of the most important things to remember is to have discussions in a timely manner. If possible, talk about the topic before your child hears it from a friend or classmate. So, you’ll want to start this topic early. Ask questions simply, answer them honestly, it is very important for young children to be short and simple, not to give away more information than is absolutely necessary.
Remember to have a game plan before deciding to introduce any difficult subject to a young child or teen. Know how much information you want to share. Plan to respond to their comments. When the topic comes up unexpectedly, staying calm and honest will save the day. Share appropriately to raise a balanced child and let them know that they too can come or ask family members for help with the tough things in life.
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