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How to Deal With the Death of a Spouse

Losing a partner or spouse due to a relationship failure is very different from losing a loved one to death. This is an inevitable loss that one partner in a marriage has to deal with. The ensuing hurt is unfathomable, and the level of grief varies depending on the cause of death and the relationship between the two men. Of course, hurt has its companions—physical, emotional, and financial.

Painful loneliness, financial hardship, raising children on your own, managing finances, making decisions, dealing with other relationships, being strong for your children and most importantly but most difficult – moving on and dealing with your hurt, are the challenges you have to face. You The sooner you face them, the sooner you’ll start healing. It’s been said many times, but the most incredible thing is that when a loved one dies, life doesn’t stop, it goes on and you have to live through it. Here are some tips to help you cope with loss:

1. Accepting the whole situation is the hardest thing. You may feel confused, disoriented, afraid, guilty, angry, and even relieved (if chronically ill). Don’t hold it against yourself. You love that person, and now you have to make sure you are living life to the fullest, the way he or she wants you to.

2. It is very important to face grief and give yourself time to mourn. Grieve at your own pace.

3. Share memories! Talk to your friends, family and kids about their memories. You can’t turn it all off.

4. Taking it one day at a time definitely helps. If you can make it through one day, you can surely make it through another. It’s too difficult to think and plan for the next few years, so put long-term plans aside until you’re in better shape.

5. If you have children, they are experiencing their own loss. They are even more ignorant than you, so by their side, they need you more than ever.

6. You need to sort out financial issues, loans, bills, investments, mortgages and insurance. The sooner you deal with them, the less stress they cause.

7. Join a support group. It always helps to share your grief with someone who grieves yourself.

8. Be nice to yourself. Under no circumstances should you eat, drink or smoke too much. Do not use antidepressants long-term.

9. Maintain a regular routine. Make exercise a part of your life. Give yourself some time so you can do some reflection. It helps with healing.

10. Don’t cry after a day or two. Pretending to be tough and doing things the way you want them can take their toll. Crying is cathartic, and it helps.

11. Emptying closets and drawers should not be done in a hurry. People may tell you to do it right away. Do it on your own time, or you may regret it. Do it yourself, and it might be nice to have someone around once you’re done.

The death of a loved one with whom you once dreamed of a happy life is one of life’s most painful realities. At the time it seemed impossible to imagine that we could function without them, but we did. What you need most is time and confidence in yourself.

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