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The Key (A Fairytale) – Chapter 7 – A Step Above Oblivion (Part 4)
I didn’t want to hear this. But knowing that it was best to follow John’s advice, I went to the cliff and looked carefully over the edge, staying as far away as possible. There, a hundred feet below were tooth-like jagged rocks that impaled anyone unfortunate enough to fall off this precipice. I looked back in the direction of my cabin. Could I stay awake without subjecting myself to this kind of madness? And I found myself walking back, climbing the steps, and resignedly sitting down to do my inner work.
I actually stayed very awake for a long time, but at last I found myself dozing off again, and became so disgusted with myself that I sadly walked back to the cliff.
This was indeed not pleasant. There were only two things I was very uncomfortable with; heights and ghosts, and this cliff was the epitome of my fear of falling. I sat on the ground and ran to the edge, not daring to look down. Then I carefully swung one leg over the edge, then the other while leaning back on my arms, and keeping my balance as far to safety as possible. I knew I would eventually have to sit in the right position to do my inner work, but I had to gain my confidence slowly. I was wide awake though!
I carefully, and ever so slowly lifted myself into an upright sitting position, still not looking down but painfully aware of my situation as I began my inner work. It wasn’t long before I was sweating profusely, and incredibly awake, imagining that my balance was shifting forward to the grinding teeth below, at which point I would quickly be leaning back on my elbows!
This went on for a few hours until I realized my head was nodding off! This was incredible! How on earth could I be stupid enough to let my head nod in such a situation? This was not good, and I woke up completely, only to nod off again after a while. This continued for an infinite amount of time until unbelievable; I woke up to find myself sliding over the side of the cliff! How could this be? One of my most agonizing fears had come true, and I had no way to stop it!
I went over, head first, so I quickly twisted and clawed at the vertical face. Something hit me in the groin as I slid down – a small bush growing out of the side of the cliff – and as I slid past I was able to grab it and hold on tight. I screamed for help until I was a horse and could scream no more, hanging and hanging over certain death. The bush was not deeply rooted, and every time I shouted, it pulled out a little more; I didn’t have much time. Then, a figure suddenly loomed over me with his hands on his hips, and I immediately assumed it was John looking at me, but with the sun at his back, I couldn’t tell for sure who it was.
Whoever it was kept looking at me, and then I knew I was done when whoever it was turned their back and walked away. The bush now held on only by a few slender roots and would pull out at any moment, so I closed my eyes and waited for that incredible calm that comes when death approaches.
Suddenly something hit my head! It was a rope, and because it was hanging by my side, I was so weak that I couldn’t even grab it. Suddenly, someone jumped over the edge and slid down the rope until he could put his arm around it, holding the rope with the other just as the bush pulled out.
We began our slow ascent, inch by inch, until somehow we reached the top. My savior pushed himself away, and without saying a word, began to leave. I called out, “Moosawa! Wait a minute.”
I untied the rope from the tree where Moosawa had attached it and handed it back to him. With both hands on the rope, we looked at each other for a moment. “Why did you save me?” I asked, confused.
“I’m not sure.”
“You could let me fall to my death; a legitimate accident, and then take my body back for the prize.”
“Yeah, that crossed my mind.”
“Then why did you save me?”
“I don’t know. When I first arrived, I just pretended to do the inner work, waiting for you to show up, but as the months went by, I got bored of just sitting there and actually tried it. This little taste of the inner work, along with the openness and love of those selfless, harmless men, especially John, who knew from the beginning that I was here to kill you, had an unexpected effect on me. My head was spinning.
“The night I released the snakes, I was torn apart. I began to see the futility of escaping the void these men speak of, collecting the reward and living a life of luxury, but the old me was still in charge. After I I was sure that you were bitten, I returned to my cabin to wait for news of your death. Suddenly a point of light came down through my open window and began to shine on the floor, transforming into a beautiful woman. Six months before I came here, I did not believe about immaterial beings – they belonged to children’s fairy tales. But now I do.
“I didn’t know what to make of it. She spoke to me through my mind somehow, and what she said shocked me as if I had been struck by lightning. She showed me, in my head somehow, the rest. of my life and how it will happen if I continue in my ways. And it terrified me. Then she showed me my future lives of horror and torture, being buried alive and suffocated many times, and grotesque, monstrous creatures hunting me in some places not from i that earth. When I cried out, she quickly calmed my mind, after which I experienced nothing but indescribable peace and ease.
“After she left, I went to your cabin to help but could see you were both suspicious, and when John looked at me with his hand on my shoulder, I knew my life would never be the same. I made plans. to leave the community right after you got well, but then something told me to stay just a little longer.”
“Did the immaterial being tell you her name,” I asked.
“Savaka” He replied.
“Yes, I know Savaka. She is your assistant now… So, where are you going now?”
“I don’t know. I feel confused and lost.”
“You have become a real key finder like me, and we are both lost. But I know in my heart that we will find our keys one day, and I wish you nothing but happiness.”
“Yes, I wish you happiness too my king. I will leave in the morning so you won’t have to worry about me anymore. I am truly sorry for what I put you through.”
“Yes, I will remember you every time I look at the scar on my stomach and back from your ill-aimed arrow, and now on my snake-bitten ankle!” Then I smiled and bowed to him with my hands folded at my chest as we parted for the last time.
He slowly walked down the road but something was different about Moosawa; he stood a little straighter now.
Sleep, not surprisingly, was no longer a problem after this episode, and one night as my inner work deepened, I had my first visions. It happened when my mind finally slowed down enough with my inner work that I could sustain undisturbed attention on my breath for an hour. What I imagined in the visions was the skeleton of the woman from the table and the baby from the hall coming up my steps. . . clump, clump, clump. Then I imagined soft skulls covering the walls of my cabin, and when I screamed in fear, the visions disappeared.
John always insisted that I mention any strange events during my inner work, so when I mentioned the visions, he smiled knowingly and said, “The first five to ten years of your inner work will sooner or later arouse feelings of dread, and the sooner you conquer these feelings the better. Face fear at once, and let any visions, words, lights, or anything else you see or hear within be instantly thrown away; just return immediately to your breath.”
He further explained that this underlying fear resulted from the false perception I had of myself. He was addressing what the blacksmith was trying to tell me when he said I wasn’t who I thought I was.
“No progress can be made to the spiritual life without an equal sacrifice of the material life,” John added. “Merely giving up something in your mind is inadequate and is simply deceit and deception; you must release it permanently in your heart – and that requires understanding and wisdom. Finally, you must sacrifice everything including your belief in yourself,’ and when you does this, fear will naturally arise, because when you begin to renounce the worldly life and renounce yourself,’ you still don’t know if there will be anything on the other side. Therefore, you will be subconsciously afraid and stuck for a while. When we face the void, this is how it always is. We don’t have the understanding at this point to know that just on the other side of this void is everything, including Reality.”
The vision continued to scare the wits out of me, recurring every few nights until finally John put his foot down. “It’s time for you to face your fears!” He said, “You must sit all night, alone, by the cremation sight, and by the table holding the skeletal remains of the woman until your fear is gone!” I was not happy. This would be worse than the cliff, but I reluctantly agreed to do it.
The next evening, I took my mat and timidly approached the cremation sight not far from the skeleton that was lying on the table with part of its flesh still hanging from its bones. I’ve always been brave, not afraid to fight anyone or anything, but this was different; this was supernatural! A cold fear gripped my heart like a vise when I saw the table.
Quickly looking around, especially behind me, I placed my mat on the ground next to the cremation fire and tried to continue my inner work. No luck, I vividly imagined the skeleton sitting down and walking towards me, and I was sure that the bones and skull cooling in the recent fire were gradually coming towards me; and even that the baby crawled out of the hall. I did not move; I couldn’t! I just sat there wrapped in the black night, sweating it out in white-knuckle fear.
It must have been about one o’clock in the morning when I heard a low rustling behind me in the leaves. Then something hit my leg. Something crawled into my lap! I was petrified! Was it the skeleton; was it the baby, the skull? I couldn’t move a muscle except my eyeball as I slowly looked down.
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