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Mother and Daughter Relationships
Even before the birth of a daughter, a mother creates something special – a mother and daughter relationship. There is a transformation taking place between the mother and the child during her nine months of pregnancy. The maternal bond begins to form during the nine months of pregnancy and form a special bond with her unborn child. The bond chemistry is like no other bond or relationship a woman has ever experienced, it is a miracle of life that she brought into this world, and to which she will always be bound. A mother does not think how she can have a mother and daughter relationship, it happens instinctively. The mother produces a bonding chemical known as oxytocin that is produced during lactation. The oxytocin chemical produced by the mother reduces anxiety with mom and child. The subconscious behavior of a mother to feed her child is natural, and what emotions she has are stronger than words can express. After the birth of the child the special bond continues and develops emotionally and physically. The bonding chemistry is formed through all the senses of smell, touch, verbal and non-verbal cues and taste. Those precious moments are internalized by both mother and daughter, which is why mother and daughter relationships are formed.
A mother and daughter relationship is different from a mother and son relationship because her goal is to guide her daughter to become a woman. A daughter needs a mother’s guidance and support in friendships, how to choose friends and how to be a friend. By teaching her daughter to become a woman she conveys the joys of having a family and of love. If any of these components are missing from a healthy mother-daughter relationship, then it becomes a dysfunctional mother-daughter relationship.
When you are young, you idolize your mother, she is a goddess. You have dress up days where you try on her lipstick, jewelry and heels. As you grow up, your thoughts must be the same as mom’s wife, mother, or follow her work career. Daughter follows her mother’s directions, if she bakes – daughter wants to bake, if she is on the computer or on the phone – she imitates mom’s behavior. A daughter forms her own interpretations of her mom in how she sees her mom every day.
Then everything comes to an eruption at the age of thirteen, when mom becomes the most ignorant and out of touch with the world. The daughter cannot get away from her mother fast enough, and the estrangement begins. The hormones change, and the daughter who idolized her mom is embarrassed by mom’s dress, car, and mom’s entire presence. The young teenager wants his space, wanting to become his own person. As she begins to grow she will show displeasure at anything said or done by her mother and father. Most daughters turn against their mother and take revenge if any rules are placed on them. This behavior creates friction in the mother-daughter relationship throughout her teenage years and usually changes in her twenties.
It is very common for a mother to misunderstand her daughter’s behavior. A mother may take it personally and not consider the biological changes her daughter is going through. During the daughters rebellious stage things can be said, by the parents, out of pure frustrations. Due to the lack of awareness, the criticism of parents can affect the self-esteem of the child. The parents will have to take the attitude in their approach in narrowing the distance between mother and daughter. When there is no understanding between both parties, the disagreements, perspectives and beliefs will carry into adulthood and continue their enmity for each other. However, some relationships miraculously change when the daughter is in her twenties and thirties, and another phase of mother-daughter relationship occurs.
If a woman does not heal her relationship with her mother, she will then continue the destruction in her own mother and daughter relationship. It’s never too late to make amends, forgive, or simply let go of the past to heal your relationship with your mother.
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