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My Weight Gain After My Husband’s Affair Has Made Me Feel Even Worse About Myself And My Marriage
It is very normal to scrutinize your appearance after your spouse cheats or has an affair. We ask ourselves if we are not pretty enough, thin enough, attractive enough or playful enough. We wonder if the other woman looks better than us and, as a result, we can be very hard on ourselves.
Worse, in the days after the affair, we often simply don’t have the energy to worry or focus on our appearance. We barely have the energy to function, let alone worry about non-essentials. And so, we can “let ourselves go” a little at a time when we are too conscious of the way we look.
A wife could lament: “I found out that my husband cheated on me about four months ago. I asked him to leave. I didn’t want to see him. Recently, we talked but did not live together. And this time. period was very lonely and difficult for me .I often walk my dogs in the morning and just think about things.Because I don’t want to go to an empty house, I usually stop at a coffee shop and get a coffee and danish..I also haven’t been to the gym in a while because I just don’t feel like being around people. As a result, I put on a noticeable amount of weight. This makes me feel even worse about myself. The other day, my husband came unannounced. I answered the door with no makeup and dirty clothes. My husband talked to me, but then left soon. His facial expressions made it pretty clear to me that he was shocked by my appearance. And now this whole thing feels like I’ve taken a huge step back.”
I want to suggest that you be gentler with yourself. As anyone who has had a cheating husband well knows, this is a pain unlike any other. This is not a time where you expect yourself to be at your best. And struggling is absolutely understandable. More than any other time, it is important to support yourself. Calling yourself a fat pig doesn’t match this and probably isn’t accurate either.
It is also very normal to look for flaws in our appearance and our personality in the hope that this will tell us everything we need to know about why our husband cheated on us. Here’s what you need to understand about it. The answers do not lie within us. They lie in him. And nothing in our appearance or personality may have caused this. Men with beautiful, sweet and supportive wives cheat. And this has nothing to do with the wife.
So if you’re looking for a reason, look him up. Not with you. Now, if improving your appearance will make you better than I encourage you to do it. Getting fitter was actually very empowering for me during my recovery. And I kept this change in lifestyle because after the boost in my self-confidence, I just noticed a huge benefit in stress reduction and general feeling of well-being. I feel much worse physically and mentally if I don’t work. I want to continue those benefits and this doesn’t have much to do with my marriage, but it has a lot to do with me.
And it doesn’t have to be huge changes or efforts that you make at first. You don’t have to take anything that feels overwhelming. Maybe you just have coffee with skim milk and you skip the danish. Maybe you can walk home from the cafe or you extend your walk a little. I found Yoga and Pilates extremely comforting during my recovery. During that time, I tended to hold so much tension in my shoulders. And I found myself literally bending and bending. Yoga and Pilates fixed this problem and strengthened my core so that I had a flat stomach for the first time in many years and the stress reduction benefits were huge. This made a huge difference in how I looked and felt. And I never felt like I was exhausting myself or punishing myself. It felt like a treat for my body, actually. Learning how to lean into my breath and breathe into my pain just released so much tension and let my body relax at a time when it desperately needed it.
But if you’re going to make any changes or improvements, do it for you – and for your own self-esteem. Do it out of love for yourself, but not out of a desire to change yourself because you think you’re not good enough or capable enough. Because you absolutely are. If you think you could use some improvement in your fitness level, by all means go for it because there are benefits to this other than just the way you look. But don’t beat yourself up or tear yourself down. None of this is your fault.
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