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A Formula of Effective Communication
Why are certain people more successful than others in their personal life and in their professional environment? Some may be very successful at home, having good relations with their spouses and children, but having many communication problems in their office: problems with bosses, but good relations with co-workers or vice versa, good relations with the bosses, but conflicts. with other managers and subordinates. Others again have good relationships at the office at the expense of their marriages and family life: too much time is spent in the office and the family at home feels ignored and left behind.
The root cause of the problem is communication or to be more precise: effective communication. It’s actually surprising that a lot of communication goes well most of the time. However, if a communication problem occurs, the question: what went wrong? There is usually an unanswered question. There are many books, articles and websites dedicated to the problems of communication. Some provide scientific evidence of communication barriers and obstacles, but leave it up to the reader to find practical solutions. More practically oriented recipes are difficult to implement due to lack of time and practice. For example, the trait assertiveness: it has become common knowledge that it is important to be assertive in everyday life. But how can one be assertive if he or she is introverted by nature? In addition to personality (extroverted vs. introverted), there is the matter of culture: people from certain countries are simply less extroverted than from other countries.
Wouldn’t it be extremely useful to have a simple formula of effective communication that can be used in all circumstances? I think the following formula would be useful:
SELF-INTEREST + INTEREST OF OTHERS – ANNOYING FACTORS
EC = SI + IO – DF
Let’s look at the three elements of this formula.
When people communicate, self-interest is probably the main reason for communication. One is much more interested in one’s own interest than in the interest of others. The above formula can actually be simplified even further by simply stating that communication equals self-interest. That is why communication is rarely effective because one does not try to find common ground in interactive processes but only looks for a way to fulfill certain short-term interests. The most important problem in communication is probably asymmetry. The two relevant parties have different agendas and different interests, which is further complicated by asymmetries of knowledge, power and authority. Therefore, negotiation skills and tactics have become a very important feature of modern civilization. In the old days, physical force was the determining factor to force the other party to compromise. Thanks to civilization, consensus can now be reached through communication. This civilizing process is essentially a change from a “command and control” communication culture to a “negotiation and persuasion” culture.
This change resulted in a greater emphasis on the ability to effectively communicate verbally and nonverbally with each other. This also implies a better education in which the development of dialogue skills has become the backbone of modern education. One is already required at a young age to be able to express one’s thoughts clearly in class presentations, essays, reports and not to mention in diverse theses in tertiary educational settings.
INTEREST OF OTHERS
The interest of others was probably the most important issue in many textbooks on effective communication. The ability to listen, receive and give feedback, control anger (“anger management”), conflict resolution, stress management, etc., have been discussed at great length by many authors, scholars, management coaches, etc.
The problem is accommodating the interests of others has become more important with the introduction of information technology and the ability to trade goods and services in cyberspace. True globalization has probably already happened in cyberspace where a global 24-hour economy has been created where everyone exchanges goods, services and information all over the world.
Everyone became a customer! It is important to look at the needs of others as your customer. This marketing concept was first used in transactional settings, but was introduced in learning organizations and has now become an important concept in all corners of life.
The matter of discovering the interests of others has even been infiltrated by non-scientific “tools” such as astrology, numerology and tarot. Before the discovery of these tools, one still used (and still uses) many scientific tools proposed by psychologists, ranging from psychoanalysis, conversation analysis, transactional analysis and the kind resulting in various therapies that could be effective depending on the will of the buyer. to take it seriously or not.
How can one discover the interests of others? This requires a proactive approach from both parties. Two strategies could be useful. The first strategy is called the COUPLE approval strategy: Please (listen, empathize, respond with care); Attend (to the other); Investigate (circumstances details of an issue); Resolution (deciding on an action to take). The second strategy is called the five-step method: listen, respond, decide on action, act, and follow through.
The third element of effective communication is probably the most difficult: how to eliminate disturbing factors or how to overcome communication barriers. There are basically six types of barriers between people communicating with each other: differences in perception, incorrect filtering, language problems, poor listening, different emotional states, and different backgrounds. To overcome these barriers, one must be willing to avoid selective perception, condense messages to the bare essentials, use specific and precise words possible, always check your interpretation of what is said, be aware of the feelings that arise in yourself and in others while you communicate, and try to control them.
Communication barriers also exist within organizations. Although all communication is subject to misunderstandings, business communication is particularly difficult. Barriers can be caused by: information overload, message complexity, message competition, different status, lack of trust, inadequate communication structures, wrong choice of environment, closed communication climate, unethical communication, ineffective communication, and physical distractions.
There are three distinct moments that can cause many communication barriers in organizations; during negotiations, when dealing with clients and holding meetings. When you negotiate, psychological barriers can appear. These psychological barriers may be yours or may belong to the other party. Be aware that people carry some of these barriers and ‘listen’ for their effects. Look for signs of them in the other party (and in yourself) and use your communication skills to facilitate or lower these barriers. Dealing with customers, in turn, can be very difficult because some customers are hard to please and difficult situations can arise. If a high level of service is not provided, the result will not only be a loss of business, but often an increase in the number of difficult and even violent customers. They are not lost yet. Treat them professionally.
The negotiation process, after all, shows a fundamental tension between the demand and creation of value. Value claims view negotiations solely as an adversarial process. Each side step tries to claim as much of the limited pie as possible while giving the other side as little as possible. Each party demands value through the use of manipulative tactics, compelling arguments, limited concessions and hard bargaining. Value creators, in contrast, require a process that results in joint gains to each party. They try to create additional advantages for each side in the negotiations. They emphasize common interests, developing a cooperative relationship, and negotiating in a pleasant and cooperative manner.
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