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Removing the ‘Step’ Out of Fathering Your Wife’s Children (Part II)
Recently, a friend contacted me about “Taking the ‘Step’…” Part I, with some choice words of criticism. She said she enjoyed the article, but there were some topics she took offense at. Normally I would have told a critic that opinions are like socks, everyone has so many of them that they seem to get lost in the shuffle of life. But since the friend was my pastor’s wife, I thought I might find a good match for this case. And since this particular publication prefers to publish articles that are about 700 words or more, I will discuss each of the two topics in a series: Part II and Part III.
To give you some background, “Removing the ‘Step’ From Parenting Your Wife’s Children” (Part I) was an honest story about a father loving his wife’s children as if they were his own. And that father is me. If you don’t have time to go back and read the article, that’s okay. There is no real science to it. Just treat your new kids like they are your own, and you’ll be fine.
The response I received from people who read Part I revealed to me that there are many people who are interested in the topic of blended families. We all watched it on the Brady Bunch years ago, and it seemed so natural. However, the first lady of my church objected to that notion. She said to me, “Mark, what if your wife’s kids were ‘problem’ kids? You said you wouldn’t have made it down the aisle if that was the case. You’re going to get rid of those guys who date women. with less-than-perfect kids .”
This is where my expertise lies. Although I don’t have any statistics to share with you in this article, I can say that I have worked with children in a professional setting since my junior year of college. And from 1992 until now, I understood this fact: all children can have behavioral problems. Some of the best-behaved kids in school turn into demons when their parents are around. And some of the worst behaved children act like saints when their parents arrive.
The point of what I am saying is this: you will know if the family is right for you. Just as you were attracted to an imperfect woman, if your wife has children, they will also be imperfect. Men who know what they want refuse to date or marry a woman who does not have a particular physical feature they enjoy, such as a big butt, long legs, flat stomach, etc. The trait varies between individuals, but most men have it. at least one they are passionate about. You may remember this example in the movie Boomerang, where Eddie Murphy’s character was particularly strict in his standard for his woman’s toes. Just as you have standards for this function, know your standards when it comes to children.
After my wife and I started dating seriously for a few months, she asked me to babysit for her one night so she could hang out with her girls. I wanted to say “No,” but I thought, “I better start getting used to this if Donna and I end up getting married.” I showed up early to watch her interact with the kids before she left and I thought, “This is going to be cake.” Until she left. When sweet little Josie saw the Rule Giver leave in a cherry red Cherokee, her face showed the worst smile I’ve seen since Chuck. I thought, “Uh-oh”. Her brother Evens kept her busy for a while, but after she got bored, Josie decided to chase after her mother’s latest suitor. And after testing my limits, she finally found them. I verbally corrected her with a stern and serious voice and facial expression, and she broke down with a soft thump, “I want my daaaaaadddddddddyyyy.” I had no defense for that one.
Months later, after I proposed to Donna, my mother expressed her concerns about me, that I had fathered two children that were not mine. She was especially worried about how I could handle a sassy little girl who wasn’t mine. I eased her worries when I told my mom, “Josie is mine. She might be more than a handful to someone else, but she’s just right for me.” And I believe that. Josie still needs to be put in her place every now and then, but all in all, she’s the best daughter a father could have. And Evens is the best son.
I believe there is a woman for every man on earth. Some of these women had children before the right man found them. Their children must be brought up by the right man. You just have to know you’re the right sock—I mean, man—for the job.
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