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In the Moment

Another week is over, and it was a crazy one! After going through my FB news feed every so often, it doesn’t seem like I was the only one sharing in this week’s madness. Everyone’s situation is unique though. Some of my friends deal with the pressures of wondering if they want long-term relationships, others deal with the pressures of being a mediator between their kids and spouses, and a lot of us are trying to handle just plain old work stress (boo!). However, we all have one thing in common… each one of us at some point worry about our future. Where will I be next month? What will I be doing this time next year? Many of us have even set age deadlines for our goals, which is great, but sometimes those goals seem more like bricks on our shoulders rather than the blessing they truly are.

Thursday and Friday proved to be extremely trying for me (as the end of the week usually is). Waking up Thursday, rushing to get out the door and to work, I had a huge wake up call. While pulling out of our childcare provider’s driveway, I had a temporary moment of insanity. I broke down and started crying, beating myself up about not having my daughters’ hair done, their nose was crusty from snot (I’m just trying to be honest don’t judge me lol), I had a lot to do at work, and get ready for a final project in my class. My chest tightened, my neck became stiff, and my shoulders began to throb. Instantly I thought to myself I couldn’t handle this, I’m just not strong enough. I put the car in reverse and began to back up. In the rear view mirror, to my surprise, there was a little girl in a wheelchair with bright pink and purple wheels. She was heading down the street to the middle school at the end of the road… smile on her face, bookbag on her back… by herself. Now this wasn’t the first time I saw her, but this was the first time I took note of her. Why was she right there in my rear mirror at that instant… and smiling? She looked so happy. Could it be because her parents finally let her walk to school by herself despite her handicap?

I drove off… contemplating my temper tantrum (yes that is exactly what it was). This little girl showed herself strong mentally and physically. It was a really long way down the street to her school! Yet, she woke up that morning not thinking about everything that was wrong but thinking about everything that was right! And how strong are her parents for letting their baby attempt such a feet! Could you imagine the conversation they had with their daughter, then each other? Here I am physically and mentally capable of handling each one of my tasks, but I’m complaining and questioning my abilities. Who cares if my daughters’ hair isn’t put into a pretty little ponytail everyday, they are alive and happy! Who cares if they have crusty snot on their nose, it will eventually be wiped off I guess lol… I am able to go to work and perform above the expectations set for me, and I am able to finish my final project for class and get an A… I’ve been doing it this long, why shut the operation down now?!

Instead of thinking about tomorrow, next month, and next year… let’s enjoy what we have right now and not beat ourselves up over things that don’t really matter. The only thing that really matters is right now. Right now I have a fiance that is committed to me and our lives together. Right now I have 3 beautiful, healthy children. Right now I have a job. Right now we are alive, that means every day we are given a new opportunity to work toward our destiny… whatever GREAT destiny that may be! In this moment… I am thankful… and commit to remind myself of that daily.

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