What Can I Cook For My 9 Month Old Baby Stayin’ Alive at 55

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Stayin’ Alive at 55

When I was 5 years old, I was in the first grade and totally energized by those my age together in the playground where a hierarchy of order was made evident by class, color and wealth. It was the beginning of abuse from bullies who were stronger and leaner compared to my husky size of my mother never allowing anyone to leave the table unless all the food was eaten, and she cooked for an army. I learned that mass hysteria is easily accomplished on the playground. I watched a mentally retarded brother manipulate my grown parents with ease. I am learning the subtle art of psychology without even realizing it.

When I was 10 years old, I was beaten many times in the school yard and to and from home. My hormones kicked in early and I started lifting weights and body building. A little later those same bullies who were kicked out of the school system for hitting me wouldn’t come near me. A few years later in a Catholic school the priest sexually abused me and many others, a long buried incident that only came to light when I wrote a novel and I used that experience when I wrote the key element of the main female character. As an altar boy, I learned that prayer is no substitute for action to solve my problems. I had to act or allow myself to become nothing more than fodder for those who were sadistically stronger. I learned to question all authority be it religious or otherwise. I watched as my unyielding brother was put in an institution because of threats from my two child brothers. I watched as my mother blamed my father for this. I grew up fast because of their rift caused by sheer manipulation. I learned to hide fear well.

When I was 15, I was a high school starter in football as a center, weird because I was the smallest guy on the team, and then tried wrestling because of the pressure of a coach. I hated it, and came out exaggerating an injury. I became a bonafide athlete. I threw discus and ran track, and girls now became an attractive force of nature, but I knew there was danger in paradise. I learned how to play drums. I learned that even though I had an extremely high education in a Catholic school, emotionally there was a vacuum inside. I sought acceptance and allowed myself to be used for that purpose. I felt like the poor boy at a big banquet and didn’t deserve to be there. I learned that I had to start an ongoing process of trusting myself, loving myself before I could go any further. I learned how hard that really was.

When I was 20, I drove a cart, made a bunch of money, went to Jamaica by myself, didn’t come back when I thought I would and got fired from Scott Paper. I then went back to college after dropping out after the first semester with the college on the Boardwalk in Atlantic City due to a construction strike, and earned a degree in music two and a half years later. I gained strength from adversity. I went from knowing nothing about music to graduating from Who’s Who in American Colleges in a very short time. Immersing myself in knowledge and technology at that time made it the most incredible part of my life. I learned that I possessed an incredible passion and it made me go for the seemingly impossible because I really began to believe in the spirituality of strength within me. I studied the subject of religion voraciously, and didn’t care what anyone else thought of me. I learned that I had the power within to do incredible things when I surrendered to that force and allowed the energy to flow through me. I learned to be vulnerable and accept failure as a temporary setback to success, and then realized that it was an inevitable part of it. I learned that listening is more important than talking, that being smart is being safe being smart, without having to prove it or impress someone else.

When I was 25 and ready for a career after graduating in 1977, the recession and the “gas crisis” made for tough times and I was shoveling coal at the local utility company and my rental house in the South Jersey farm country. was stolen and we lost everything my girlfriend and soon to be wife owned. We lived in a tent on a friend’s property for the summer. My favorite Uncle was able to secure us an old chauffeur’s quarters behind a former mansion that was now being used as an American Legion Hall for $90 a month in Pleasantville, NJ We started playing music in the clubs in and around Atlantic City. I enjoyed the night life and playing great music to appreciative audiences the experience was soul satisfying but paid comparatively little. I’ve learned not to depend on anyone but myself for all things and that certain old friends are best left alone when they become toxic. I realized that the pain I went through as a child now made me better able to deal with the bitter parts of life that I couldn’t change.

When I was 30, I was now working for a casino as an Audio Technician and learned my craft both from books and being on the job. It was a new era of growth for the area with the incredible expansion of casinos, but like anything, greed begets greed and the corporate structure killed the golden goose. The political and corporate stupidity was constantly at work and I learned that what “seems to be” is far more important than “what is”. I watched my father die for a few months. I learned to accept my mortality and cried for the time back. I saw what seemed like so much time wasted and bitter, I still hadn’t learned the understanding and enlightenment to be at peace with it.

When I was 35, I had now been married for a while and bought a house in the country with way too much grass to cut and I developed severe allergies that wouldn’t be discovered or even controlled until 5 years later. It was a time of false happiness, of thinking that possessions and money can bring happiness. My moving to the Taj Mahal nine months early to prepare for the opening was to be the beginning of both “The Donald” and my demise in that era of the 90s. Chasing corporate dollars was a hobby and not really a career that was fulfilling even though it provided just enough comfort to not take risks and stay safely in the corporate cradle. I learned that physical pain is never understood by anyone except those who have experienced similar pain. Headaches were getting worse and workloads were excessive. I learned to have faith in only a few key co-workers. I have learned that one must proactively stop a threat before it cannot be overcome regardless of personal circumstances. I learned brutal cold blood from the best administration Donald Trump has to offer.

By the time I was 40, my health was deteriorating, the headaches were getting worse and my high school football-worn knees could barely handle the constant humidity of the East Coast. Out of work I went into depression and then my left arm went numb from a C-4 nerve influence that no one figured out for 8 months. By that time my marriage was broken up, I was out of work and I went to Las Vegas with less than $1000 and looked for a job while I knew my wife at the time wouldn’t come with me. My divorce soon followed when Merv Griffin called and needed an Entertainment/Technical Director for his new location in Mesquite, NV. Of course, greed got to those owners too and they went belly up. It was when I moved to Las Vegas that I was diagnosed as having bubble boy allergies. The severe headaches and cysts kept me in misery, and I was put on allergy shots for the next six years…..this after two futile surgeries back East without even testing for allergies and two more surgeries in Las Vegas. I worked at both the Sahara showroom AND the Stratosphere (pre-opening) full time and made bank to make up for the losses from those previous years. I learned that the world, when confronted with the truth, always looked the other way and offered trivial solutions to complex problems because they really didn’t want anyone to know anything that could take away their corrupt advantage. I learned that living in the now is the most important thing to understand. My past was unchangeable, the future is not yet here. I began to understand the wisdom of the past leading to what was the “now” and the inevitability of what could only be, based on choices I made.

When I was 45, I worked at the Tropicana in Las Vegas and ran audio for the Folies Bergere and then after 3 years completely renovated and ran their Convention Services Technical Department. After much turmoil from the past, I will be marrying a woman I have known for over 24 years and had her band booked many times in Atlantic City at the Taj Mahal and other places. The irony was that her band would have played for my first wedding but they weren’t available, but I booked them for my brother’s first wedding……her family was from a place 20 minutes from my New Jersey childhood home. ….I met her in Las Vegas at the Riviera lounge one night…..so it is a small world after all. A few years later an emergency operation was performed on my skull to prevent infection from reaching my brain and holes were drilled into the area above my eyes to drain the poison, as if I needed two holes in my head. Obviously, it worked. I watched my mother die at the age of 67. I learned that the number of people I could truly trust, I could count on one hand, as my father had predicted and warned me 30 years earlier. I never gave up on myself.

When I was 50, I planned a big birthday party and made the invitations with a picture of a man in a wheelchair on an IV, and being cared for by a nurse. Little did I know I would be in hospital fighting for my life due to emergency surgery for a spinal infection. I actually flatlined and died, but was given a choice to fight and return to the pain and bittersweet experiences of life, and I took it, despite the painless beauty of that afterlife experience. The nerve damage disabled me but I took this as just another challenge that life has been handing out to me since I was that battered kid. I learned that love truly does conquer all and the love I had for my wife brought me back to the land of the living so I could tell her and others that I was okay on that “other side” . Despite the best efforts of the doctors and the hospital, I survived and checked myself out after 5 weeks in intensive care. I also learned “patient do your own research” and don’t trust “practitioners”. Irony after irony was that I had already written a Near Death Experience in my novel 10 years earlier that matched my actual experience. I learned to laugh at death, to accept the great value of life and I allowed the epiphany of life, in itself, to saturate my every action. I finally published my novel, I opened a restaurant with my brother, and I took risks without fear of the consequences. I was finally free to be who I had always been and dared to do things without fear and was supported by those who cared without judgment about success or failure.

Now I am now 55 years old and I am happy to be alive despite the paralysis and pain from the operations and I know that life itself is all that matters. There is much more to my life than these highlights, there is no describing the passion, the intense work and rewarding results, the dreams realized and the dreams that are still alive. It is the how that is much more important than the what I did. There is no great secret to how to live your life other than surviving and making lemonade out of lemons. Those of weak minds do not survive and cannot be stable unless they realize – that’s it, this is not a rehearsal. You get one chance and one chance only, so why care what anyone else thinks? I’ve learned that relying on pure hope without the effort of one’s self is an invitation to disaster, but in the general human existence, it is the single most powerful emotion that brings us the strength to face another day, and then another, and then another. another .

Now on the day of the First of November, I will raise a glass to my diabetic donkey, to drink to the thoughts of my special birthday of celebration of my life, my wife, and for the sacrifice of my parent brought. me into this world, and finally for the suffering and sacrifice of all those who are brave enough to have offspring in this world of unknowns. To my nieces and nephews and everyone else, I leave you with this: Do what makes you happy and in the words of Joseph Campbell, “always follow your bliss.” Anything less and you have no one else to blame for your misery. Accept the pain and deal with the inevitable and then rejoice in your existence every day.

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