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Unmarried Mom – An Open Invitation for Dirty Looks?

The stigma of being a single mother may not be as strong as it was in the 1950s, but believe me, it still exists. I know because I am the mother of a beautiful seven-month-old girl, and I am not married yet. Leah’s father and I found ourselves expecting a baby before we had the chance to even get engaged! I mean it was purely random, but I can’t lie anymore. I always knew I wanted to have a baby while I was still in my twenties; I wanted to be a young, great mom. We knew we were going to get married eventually, and figured it really didn’t matter what came first – the ring, or the baby. So, we weren’t that careful with protection and I soon got pregnant.

As soon as I started traveling with Leah, I always noticed that a lot of people would cower over the baby, and then their eyes would dart to my left hand ring finger. When they didn’t find what they were looking for, their attitude seemed to change a bit. They seemed to almost withdraw from us, as if we had the flu! I just don’t understand why the absence of an ounce of gold really matters.

It’s a real shame that I feel like I have to “fib” a few people about how Leah came to be. It seems that once people bring up in conversation that Tim and I have a baby and aren’t married yet, the automatic next question is, “When’s the wedding?” According to the US Census Bureau, 29.3% of women who gave birth in 2003 were single. However, it still seems that when in social situations, people are expected to be married if they have children together.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to get married. My plan is for my boyfriend to pop the question whenever he feels the time is right, and for us to get married when our daughter is old enough to be our flower girl. However, there are people who don’t want to get married at all, and why shouldn’t that be acceptable? Women do not have to endure the searching eyes and judgmental attitudes of others. The days when a young woman who found herself pregnant “out of wedlock” had to disappear for nine months to have her baby are long gone. A mother is a mother, no matter if she was married when she became one or not.

I’m not advocating that all women who want babies just run out and get pregnant. All I’m trying to impress upon you is that every couple has the right to navigate the course of their relationship without having to explain their choices to others. If a child has parents who love them, who cares if they are married or not?

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