What Do You Say To A 5-Year-Old For Her Birthday Three Effective Grief Tools To Use During The Holidays

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Three Effective Grief Tools To Use During The Holidays

Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special days always add an extra sense of memory after a loss. I experienced the loss of my loved one last month. To add to that, it’s my father’s birthday, and next month will be the anniversary of his death. The two heroes in my life.

As a grief coach, all of this has put me in a place of “practicing what I preach.” I will share with you some tools that have allowed me to arrive at a place of peace and fulfillment. Please know that it is normal and natural to grieve after a significant loss (death, divorce, separation, relationship, job, money, etc.). Don’t suppress this important step in your grief journey. There is the other side, but the only way to navigate this desert of sadness is to walk through it. Also know that no one can tell you how to grieve because there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no one can truly know or understand the relationship you shared with your loved one.

Here are three tools that I not only use for my upset clients, but have worked effectively for me:

  1. Find an activity where you can give back. I volunteered over Thanksgiving at a nursing/rehabilitation center, and I cannot put into words the joy and fulfillment this experience gave me. I honestly felt like this is where I really should have been at the time. I watched the Thanksgiving Parade on TV with one 98-year-old resident who didn’t want me to leave. I visited with another resident, who happily shared her miracle of healing, and learned that she was a neighbor, thus manifesting a new friend. As they both offered endless thanks to me, I found myself saying thank you to them. I left the facility feeling like I was walking on air. Not to discount my loss, but to give me so much gratitude for being where I was during that period of time.
  2. Don’t feel compelled to do something you don’t feel like doing. It’s okay to say “no”. Yes, family members and friends were concerned and invited me to dinner. After thinking about how to say no, I practiced what I preach and just told them thank you for the invitation, but I wouldn’t join them. Have no regrets. True family and friends will understand. Remember, they are only trying to help.
  3. Write a letter. Another effective grieving activity I recommend is writing a letter. If the loss was by death, write a letter to your loved one. End the letter with “Goodbye” and sign it. This will help if you are having trouble accepting the loss, and this is preventing you from getting through the journey and moving forward.

I cannot stress enough to you that the sooner you accept that your life as it was will never be the same, the sooner you can start moving forward with your “new life”. I recommend grief coaching, support groups, or professional help if you need it. I leave you with one of my favorite quotes. “The hardest part of any journey is taking the first step, but you have to keep walking.”

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