What Happens If Get.Pulled.Over.With.Tags.Over.A Year Old WWE Judgment Day 2009 PPV Review

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WWE Judgment Day 2009 PPV Review

From Rosemont, Illinois. Original air date: 5/17/09

Umaga d. CM Punk, Samoan Spike — pin (***1/2).

So why is Umaga fighting Pepsiman? Anyway, hometown rule applies here as long as Punk does the work, although it was a really good opener otherwise with a lot of nice spots like G2S getting countered into a Samoan drop. I don’t understand WWE’s obsession with their talent ALWAYS losing in their hometown, unless you’re Jim Ross, then you’re embarrassed in a big way.

ECW Champion Christian d. Jack Swagger, handful of tights — pin (***1/2).

I really enjoyed this match and loved when Christian jumped down from the top rope over Swagger and ran to the other side haha… classic Christian. End came when Swagger went for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Xian kicked out, went for the kill switch, when Swagger pulled away, then Xian did a rollup, with a handful of tights FTW and on to the feud. I guess Christian is the new dirtiest player in the game. Kind of a lame ending, though. Too bad Christian isn’t “popular” enough to have a clean win.

Meanwhile, Edge and Chavo argue. Rando told Chavo to do something about the transvestite calling his aunt a pig. Edge is amazing and one of the best actors in WWE. He can make a mediocre ad amazing by the way he delivers it.

John Morrison d. Shelton Benjamin, Starship Pain — pin (***).

Unfortunately Charlie Haas has abandoned the customization trick. While I’m excited to see the World’s Greatest Tag team reunited, The Great Charli > WGTT. Anyway, this was a good match, but something was missing. Maybe it was the crowd; they didn’t seem to buy Nitro as a face at all. Anyhoo. great stuff at the end as both guys hit some nice spots and in the end Nitro wins with his flippy spinny indy move. Both of these guys need more match time; they can put on a hell of a show.

Comedy segment saw The Miz right up jack Alfonso Soriano at ringside and mentions Jannetty (which was a nice reference), a bunch of Ducks, Chicago Cubs & SMH. Then bizarrely, Santino makes the save for Soriano and calls him La Fiz. Raw’s two most hilarious wrestlers against each other? They should continue that. A Miz-Santino feud would be priceless.

Intercontinental champion Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho with short pants, 619 — pin (***).

Jericho is getting stale, he should go back to his sullen and arrogant ways like his WCW days. Anyway, Jericho throws Mysterio around the ring like a rag doll and Rey is so small compared to Jericho, I don’t think Y2J could make this feud work because of that. Anyhoo, the match would have been average if Jericho hadn’t done the promo with the “guarantee” that there wouldn’t be a 619; gave a story to the match. And I usually hate Mysterio matches because they’re so formulaic, but that was a good match, thanks to Jericho. Rey is a total shell of her former self, on the other hand. The announcers talk about how he’s a “high flyer” but he hardly does that anymore. He should retire so he can walk in 10 years.

Flying Batista d. WWE Champion Randy Orton with no hair, attacking the referee — DQ (*1/2).

Finally, a toilet break match. Orton may be okay, but needs someone to help him, and that man is not Batista. The same goes for Batista. They just cancel each other out. Anyway, there was a considerable RKO chant and this was not a pro-DAVE crowd. This match just sucked the energy out of the show. Both of these guys are like video game characters. Repetitive movements, clunky animations, over-the-top normal mapping, and sometimes a victim of lag. If Orton’s finishing move was a headbutt, he would win every match. An end came when Orton intentionally got himself disqualified, attacking the referee in a cheap finish. Those kinds of finishes just make you wonder why he didn’t slap the referee two seconds into the match and walk off. Post-match, Legacy came down to attack Big Dave, but a 90-year-old man makes the save. Oh. Dammit Flair, stay retired.

John Cena with a probability of winning d. The Big Show, Attitude Adjustment — pin

.

I love how Cena looks like he’s going to cry when he’s in that look down. The Cena Sucks chant is much louder than it should be. And if I had a dollar for every time they said “No one evokes more emotion from the WWE Universe than John Cena.” and “The worlds greatest athlete.” just for this match i could buy the wwe 100 times. And man, it’s amazing how quickly and harshly this PPV turned from a potential PPV of the year to a snoozefest. Anyhoo, finally, Cena overcomes adversity and by God I am so inspired! Miracles do happen! Boring match, though. So if Cena is Superman, does that make having a good match with the Big Show his kryptonite?

World Champion Edge d. Jeff Hardy, DDT from the top rope — pin (***).

This was a show where champions come out first. An end came when Matt Hardy interfered and attacked Jeff, Cowboy Bob Orton-style with a cast on his arm. This was a good match until Matt Hardy showed up. Judgment Day is then over and there is no punk and no cashing in, just credits. I guess the hometown rule still applies. Still Edge is still the champion, so all is right with the world.

Man of the Night: Miz – he’s definitely stepped up his game lately and I love it. We needed an “under your skin” heel in the worst way; he’s so annoying, and yet you can’t stop watching because he takes trash talking to a whole new level

Threat of the Night: Flair – he should seriously just stay retired. I hope this is a one time thing, and he doesn’t come back to wrestle.

Best Match of the Night: Xian v. Swagger – great match.

Worst Match of the Night: Cena v. Show – boring match.

Jobber of the Night: Punk losing two back-to-back PPVs. Guess CM Punk didn’t drink his Pepsi Natural before the match.

Squash of the Night: Do Legacy was completely dismantled by a 39-year-old non-wrestler and a 60-year-old wrestler who retired. Nice write up, WWE. The only time I liked Legacy was when Orton kissed Stephanie because I wasn’t expecting that. Otherwise Legacy suffered from bad writing, bad promos and terrible matches.

Blown Spot of the Night: Mysterio took what looked like a bad fall, although he looked good afterwards, but for a second I thought he was gone.

Surprise of the Night: Edge-Hardy goes on last, and Punk not cashing in.

Over Done: A Matt Hardy remake was unnecessary.

Homo-erotic Moment: Cole and Lawler acting surprised when Cena won; “He went for the impossible… and somehow he achieved it!” / “Fearless victory!” / “Cena made a believer out of a lot of people tonight!”

Screw the Smarks: No Punk, and a senseless Matt run-in. WWE has been dragging some of these stories out far too long.

Quotable Quotes: “That chair is always dangerous!” — Michael Cole during the WWE title match.

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