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Stay Home Dad Survival Tip #28 – Finding and Developing Your Child’s Gift
One of the more difficult aspects of parenting can be dealing with your child’s interests. As your child gets older, he or she will begin to exhibit traits that are indicators of their interests. I believe that everyone is created for a purpose and our jobs as parents are to channel our children in the direction that will best help them develop into who they need to be, to find their destiny.
Every child has a different interest and way of expressing it. In my house, there is a budding music producer, born journalist, athlete and artist. Talk to your child or children; ask them what things interest them. I have found that usually by the age of 10 or 11, most kids have a general idea of what they would like to do. The easiest way to discover this is to ask the following question: “If you could do anything in the world that you wanted to do, it wouldn’t be bad or illegal, and get paid to do it and it would be fun. …what would you would?” In the middle school years, your child has an idea of what he or she really likes. Find out what this activity or interest is and find activities in your area that you can use to develop this interest.
There are many things that can be purchased from thrift stores or obtained for free. My 13 year old wants to be an animator. I was able to find an older version of Adobe Flash for him from Craigslist – for free. There’s no need to spend $600 on the latest version of the software when a little searching can yield cheaper results. I also found a weight bench at the thrift store for under $30.00 for my 18 year old when he was weight training for football. For my budding music producer, I found an old keyboard that someone was getting ready to throw away and asked for it. All it needed were batteries. Now, the children themselves have learned how to be resourceful and look for items that can be easily downloaded or viewed on the internet for free.
I know it can get pretty stressful, running from dance classes to art to little league and pee-wee soccer practice, music lessons, etc, so it takes some strategic planning if you have multiple kids, especially if you’re single. parent Find other parents in the area whose children participate in the same activities and share the load.
Most importantly, you must be interested and supportive. You cannot decide for your child what his gift or talent is. You can’t push them toward what you want their gift to be, nor downplay what they want to do. There is nothing more frustrating than throwing your frustrated desires and accomplishments at your child. I know there are many men (and women too) who really like sports, but just because you have a son or daughter who may have a great athletic build, you cannot force athletics on your child. He or she may not want to do that. Don’t take your frustration out on your child for not accomplishing what you may have wanted on the sports field. You may have the next business tycoon or president of the United States. It’s not about what you want them to do so you can look good and brag; it’s about what they want to do…what they were created to do. In all reality, you should brag because they are your children. If your son wants to be a dancer and you play for the NFL…so what. Let him do it. He is not you. He is a product OF you but he is NOT you.
I have spoken to many parents who struggle with this. Just because you have an Olympic gold medal or a Super Bowl ring doesn’t mean your child should do the same. For example, President George Bush’s daughter Laura loved to read books and she wanted to be a school teacher. She didn’t want to be a lawyer. Her parents supported her.
Our children will not necessarily do what we do because they are not us. But we can influence them in a positive way and with our support, they will succeed in whatever they do. You must do this because you never want your children to feel that they are disappointing you with their career choices.
A child who grows up feeling unfulfilled because they pursued your dreams instead of theirs will be very frustrated as an adult. A child whose dreams are crushed and discouraged will find adult life more difficult than it should be. I wanted to be a fashion designer. I was invited and visited by the representatives of a prestigious design college, but was laughed at and discouraged. I was told “Such things are for young ladies.”
Let your child show and teach you what their interest is, support them 100%. Communicate with your children and come up with a game plan early to ensure your children’s success.
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