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Rekindle Your Marriage (Little Steps Make a Big Impact)
Ready to Revive Your Marriage but ignorant of what to do? Between jobs, mortgage payments and kids – well, it can suck the life out of you. What usually suffers is the relationship between husband and wife. Sometimes you literally have nothing to give each other at the end of the day.
This is especially sad because if you hadn’t come together in the beginning, this life wouldn’t even exist! Don’t be discouraged because you are not alone. Like many other couples, you are in this together – and you can get through this together.
I know a couple who waited years in their marriage before having children. The first child was happiness for them. The second found them extremely tired but still happy with their little family. A few years into parenthood had taken such a toll on their marriage that a possible divorce seemed to loom on the horizon.
Now, this was no ordinary couple. They were known in their circle of friends as being the quintessential couple. You know, that gooey cute couple who spend all their time together and can’t keep their hands off each other – the ones that make everyone else sick to their stomachs. Yes, those people. I am happy to say that a good therapist did wonders for them and they are now back on track.
The lesson is this: Life will get in the way of your marriage if you let it.
If you want to revitalize your marriage, you need to have a plan.
You can’t go back in time and change everything that happens today. You can not disappear the mortgage or the children to be unborn. However, you can be proactive rather than reactive. This means that you need to plan ahead to get time and attention from your spouse. I know this doesn’t sound romantic and spontaneous, but it allows you the opportunity to make time for those things.
So here’s a list of things to get you started on the right path:
1. Set aside 20 Minutes Every Day
I know this doesn’t seem like much, but if you think about it, it’s probably more quality time than you spend together right now. The goal here is to go for quality rather than quantity. Set aside 20 minutes a day without distractions when you can really talk about your day and get things done. This could be when you first walk through the door or maybe after the kids go to bed, but make sure it’s the same time EVERY day. This will establish this practice as a habit in your life that you are more likely to continue over time.
During this time you must turn off the TV, computer, phones, etc. Have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and really enjoy the time together. Guys, if some of you think this sounds sad, just think about the alternative of spending you nights in a cold bed alone. That should help you get motivated.
2. Plan Regular Date Nights
All couples need a date from time to time. You might be thinking, “But we go out all the time” but are you making an actual date out of it? Do you fix everything and focus all your attention on each other? Turn off the phones (or at least turn them off if your kids are with a babysitter)? Even couples without children need this. You can’t revive your marriage if you never have romantic time together.
If you show your complete devotion to your children by never leaving them for a date night, then you are doing them a huge disservice. They are happy when you are happy as a couple. It makes them feel safe and secure. If your marriage is in trouble, they can always sense it. So if you want them to be happy then you need to work on a happy marriage by spending quality time with your spouse. If you neglect your marriage, then you will either live in a miserable situation or be divorced. Neither of these are good choices for your children.
If you can’t afford a nanny and don’t have family to help, then trade time with another couple who has kids. Your kids will love this because they get a built-in play date out of it.
Whether you have kids or not, you should plan a date night at least once a month (twice is even better). Remember to write it on your calendar or put it in your planner so you don’t let it slip.
3. Get the Kids on Schedule
This cannot be emphasized enough. Children suck the life out of us because they create more work for us. They don’t pull their weight in the household. If you think about past generations, the kids always had more chores and were more disciplined than kids nowadays.
So here’s where to start. If your children don’t have an established bedtime ritual, establish one now. They have to do the same things every night to get their mindset ready for bed. Then put them to bed at the same time every night. Now, here’s the kink in that plan for some people. Many couples I know have children who sleep in their beds with them. This is so bad for your marriage that I can’t even begin to explain all the reasons. I realize it’s easier to let the kids sleep with you when you’re tired, but you’ll get more rest in the long run if you take the time to address this issue now.
Buy them new bedding for a bribe if you need to. Redecorate their entire room. Set up a reward system. Do whatever works for your child.
Also, every child needs age appropriate tasks. A chart can be helpful for you and your child to keep track of progress. You can reward them when it is filled. Make sure they pick up all their belongings before going to bed EVERY night. This not only makes your life easier, but also establishes good lifelong habits for your child.
Basically, if you’re dead tired at the end of each day and you guys are still bouncing off the walls with energy, then you’re doing something wrong. You have to tap into some of their energy.
These three things will revive your marriage if you implement them into your daily life. If your marriage is in trouble and you need immediate step-by-step help, please click here.
Head over to our website (address below in author box) for information on the 3 Types of Binding in Relationships.
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