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Home For the Holidays – Family Dynamics & The Art of Compromise
It’s time to go home for the holidays. Since leaving for college, you come and go as you please. Eat and sleep when you want, and report to no one. Now it’s time to get together with old friends, party until dawn, and sleep all day. It’s the perfect way to unwind before heading back to college, right? Isn’t it?
Alas, this lifestyle will not go down well with most families. Demonstrate that new found maturity by considering others – vacations are indeed about family. Of course, it is important to spend time to meet friends; just make sure to schedule some quality time with the ‘rents. Remember, you can go back to living the independent lifestyle soon enough. The following tips will help college students communicate effectively and come up with a plan to make the holidays fun and relaxing for the whole family.
JOIN THE PROGRAM
Custodial parents will usually have the most difficulty adjusting. Protective by nature, Guardians need to make sure you are safe and sound. Keeping customs and traditions is important; be sure and take time to participate in family events. Here are some more tips:
Keep parents informed of your schedule, especially when plans change.
Ask ahead of time which family events are the most important, and be sure to attend.
Make dinner for the family, help clean the house, or offer to run errands. In short, contribute to the family dynamic by showing that you can carry your weight.
DON’T LOCK ME IN
Fun Craftsman parents have fewer problems adjusting, as people with this temperament enjoy spontaneity and “living in the moment.” But expect some backlash if you flaunt your new found freedom, as they may feel it is impinging on their own freedom. Pleasant Craftsman parents:
Spend some family time doing what they love and/or take the initiative and invite them to do something.
Including Mom and Dad in an outing with Crafty friends can be a lot of fun!
Confirm at what point they will call the police, then be sure to check in before a search party is formed.
A LITTLE GIVE AND TAKE
Reasonable parents usually don’t invoke many rules in the first place. However, if you were raised by Rationals, you know how strong they can be. Expect to have a miserable vacation if you engage in a battle of wills over something they consider critical.
Keep the peace with these pointers:
Ask for their opinion on something. Reasonable parents may fear that children will no longer respect them after leaving home for college.
If parents start laying down the law, try to find out what is really bothering them. Apologize and suggest a compromise.
TELL ABOUT IT
Idealistic parents are often the most psychologically equipped for the changes. However, as Guardians, they really need to know that you are okay. Disappearing for 24 hours without checking in will leave any parents worried and/or angry. If your parent is an idealist:
Plan to spend some time just talking. Your parent is dying to know what’s going on in your head and how you’re maturing mentally. Keep family informed of your overall plans, and up to date on any minor or major changes.
Still not convinced? Think of it this way: it’s rude to show up at someone’s home, eat their food (foraging when necessary) and enjoy the amenities when you can’t manage to give your hosts the time of day. In this case, any parent, regardless of temperament, is likely to feel hurt, rejected, or angry. So, this year, why not consider a special gift for the people who made it all possible? Spend some quality family time-who knows, you might even have fun! For more information on temperament, and to pick up the free Keirsey Temperament Sorter, please visit Keirsey.com.
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