Why Is My 2 Year Old Acting Like A Baby When We Fight My Husband Acts Like A Child – What Can I Do?

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When We Fight My Husband Acts Like A Child – What Can I Do?

I sometimes hear from people who wish their spouse would just grow up when it comes to conflict within their marriage. Often, one spouse is very willing to sit down and deal with their problems like an adult while the other apparently isn’t.

I heard from a wife who said, “My husband and I handle our fights very differently. I never want to go to bed angry. I hate conflict. I just want to sit down and work through whatever it is. I don’t like knowing there’s tension between us. .But he doesn’t seem to care if we drift further and further apart.When my husband and I were dating I used to hate going to his house because his parents were always quite openly fighting.There was always a lot of door slamming and yelling. It made me very uncomfortable because that’s not how I was brought up. My parents rarely raise their voices. But my husband has no problem yelling and losing his cool. And lately when I try to get him to sit down and talk about our problems, he tells me , that talking won’t fix everything and he gets upset. When I do something he doesn’t like, he withdraws his affection and he seems to shut me out to punish me. He pretty much just yells and this drives me crazy. Sometimes, it’s almost like I watch a little child throw such rage. I want him to grow up. I want him to sit down and talk to me like a mature adult. This is our marriage and the rest of our lives we’re talking about. But my husband just won’t see this. Instead, he seems perfectly happy to continue communicating in this very childish way. What can I do?”

I felt that this wife was rightly very concerned about this matter. Many experts say that the way a couple fights and handles conflict is a very good indicator if that same couple will eventually divorce. The couples that stay married and that stay closely connected are the couples that have learned to argue in a constructive way. It’s good to fight. In fact, it is important to clean the air from time to time. But it is also vital that the fighting does not become personal. It is good to attack the issue. It is not good to attack your wife. It’s not good to make it personal. You may hate the habit or the behavior but you cannot insinuate that you hate your spouse, at least if you want your marriage to be healthy.

And it is very damaging and painful when one spouse withholds love or tries to punish the other during or after a disagreement. Because things only tend to escalate and get worse from there. So I agreed that it was essential for this couple to learn to work through their problems in a constructive way. The wife was more than willing to do so, so now it was time for the husband to get on board.

Make Your Husband Understand The Need To Fight Fairly: The wife tried to shame or guilt her husband into changing the way he related to her in conflict. In short, they developed a kind of child-parent relationship. She would take the high road and insinuate that he is immature and childish. And while all of those things may have been somewhat accurate, pointing this out probably won’t inspire him to change. Instead, it will only make him angrier and more motivated to escalate his behavior.

I believe the best way to start is to have a calm and thoughtful discussion when things start to escalate. The next time the husband slips back into this destructive way of dealing with conflict, the wife might say something like, “I have to stop you, honey. Because this is starting to go to a destructive place and I don’t want this to keep happening to us.” .the whole point of us discussing this is to work through it and end the conflict.But now we’re discussing something that isn’t even part of the original issue.This just makes things work.I know that’s how you’re used to dealing conflict, but it’s very painful to me and I don’t feel it’s doing us any good. Why don’t we regroup and talk about the real issues at hand. I’ll go first.”

Then state your version of events in the most constructive way possible. When you’re done, stop and ask him to tell his side of things. If he starts drifting into his old patterns stop him again and redirect him.

Drawing his attention to this is the key. Since the husband grew up in a tumultuous household, he really didn’t know any other way. That’s why it’s important to have patience and try to gently redirect him. You don’t want to tell him that he is childish or immature. Instead, you just want to show him how to do better. And when he does, promise to offer all kinds of positive reinforcement. Because the whole idea is to make him do better and give him the tools to do that.

This could mean that sometimes you have to lead by example and that can seem unfair at times. It may seem like you are the one taking all the initiative. But as you continue, he should develop a new way of communicating that is essential to saving your marriage. Because if these two continued to fight in the destructive way that has become a habit, the future of their marriage might be in question. And I doubted that was what any of them wanted.

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