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Divorce Drama – Rewriting Your Divorce Story

To transform divorce pain into life wisdom, we need to understand our divorce drama. One great resource that I highly recommend on this topic is Debbie Ford’s powerful book, Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life. The process is simple, unconscious and very powerful. Things happen in our life and we give meaning to these events to understand them. So we start writing the scripts, or our relationship “story” is born.

We often start our scripts when we are very young children. For example, the young girl whose father travels all the time and breaks his promise to be at her ballet recital. The script and plot of “Men don’t show up for me” are being rewritten. This happens at a subconscious level. So the lifelong casting call goes out looking for men to play that role again, and again. The plot is played out with new characters, or the same old characters in new ways, with you in the lead role. All the while the 6-year-old girl in her tutu and ballet slippers sits in the director’s chair.

On one level our stories provide security and identity. However, they become a limitation and keep us confined to a narrow range of what is possible in our lives. Some people become so attached and identified with their stories that they are reluctant to let them go. By recognizing our divorce drama, we can begin to write new stories. Instead of our film being a melodrama, we can turn it into an adventure thriller or a heartfelt comedy or a love story. Here are some ways to break free from your divorce drama.

1. Read the Script

Stop and identify your relationship history. Who did you cast as the villain and the victim? What did you assign as the motivations of the main characters? Write your plot in your journal so that you can clearly distinguish your story. Knowing your story will help ensure it doesn’t remain your default operation. Spiritual Divorce has some great exercises to help you do this.

2. Take a Meeting

Take a big step back from the drama of your divorce. Realize that we are all co-creators of our reality. At some spiritual level, we signed up to this project. It is a co-production between ourselves and our former spouses.

To harvest the wisdom from life’s dramas, my mentor, Barbara De Angelis, recommends asking “If I ordered this experience, what was I thinking?” Ask your higher self, what is the lesson you want to get from this situation? Take the time to ask, and the still quiet voice of your own inner wisdom will begin to answer.

3. Reconsider Your Director

Who is directing your film now? Is it a scared little 8-year-old boy or an angry 5-year-old girl who didn’t make it? If so, it’s time to take them out of the director’s chair and assign some part instead. To break free from the divorce drama, your manager needs to be an adult who is ready and willing to create the life you deserve to have.

4. Review Your Movie

You can use your divorce drama as an excuse or inspiration. The next step is to review your film. Would you give it two thumbs up? Is it one you’d like to see again and again? So often, people who get stuck in their stories use it as an excuse to blame others, remain a victim, or play small.

Does your story make you a little angry? Excellent! Use it to capture your passion and take action to break a limiting pattern, or release a situation that doesn’t support you? The bottom line is every day we write a new script. It can keep us mired in the past, or it can spur us on to a new future. The choice is up to you.

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